I Hope This Poem Makes Me Lots of Money
from No Tigers
© Dominic Berry, 2017

The Headline Poet strides off stage to rapturous applause having been paid for his twenty minute spoken word set what it would take me a month to earn and I am not jealous. The Headline Poet is excellent at getting Headline Poetry gigs he can run a workshop balance a budget is even invited to meetings and that is the same as writing good poetry. The Headline Poet has spent twenty minutes shouting about how delicate he is detailing his history of receiving abuse and funding his pain fists beatings bruises and he has told us to check our privilege check your fucking privilege you congregation of moronic arse-wipes and buy my book.

He lets me share his taxi to a sterile hotel and shows me how to yell at an immigrant taxi driver when he won’t break the law by parking in an illegal space I mean for fuck’s sake we write haiku. He lets me share a table at a restaurant and shows me how to loudly humiliate a minimum waged waiter who wasn’t quick enough delivering our curly fries this is cold shout at that idiot make him blush make him piss his prissy Primark pants call him girl weak little girl we got cold curly fries.

One day I will kill the Headline Poet. One day I will write a poem so heartfelt so humble and so very fucking brave that all the Headline Poets bookings will start to go to me after all isn’t that the purpose of us spending all this time together. One day I will have the chance to share a poem so enlightening it will become the new dictionary definition of socialism. I don’t care how many ignorant talentless open mic cunts I need to stamp on so that my kind poem can be heard. One day funders will pay me for my kind words what it would take you a year to earn and you will thank me for it while the Headline Poet lies forgotten decomposing beneath a tomb of perfectly completed evaluation forms.

I will not be lonely no one has told me if this will feel lonely but it can’t be lonely right you do like me right didn’t you hear my poem you must agree my poem is kind.